Rest of August-Wedding time and Back to School
The two biggest events for the rest of August was Courtney's (Brett's cousin) wedding and heading back to school. Courtney's wedding was a blast. We finally got a chance for lots of Brett's family who are out of town to meet Mr. Gray. The biggest intros of course were that of the bride and groom, Courtney and Kurt, who were currently stationed in San Diego, and Brett's brother, Ross. Brett and I did get a chance to sneak in a quick dance and spend s few minutes being a couple rather than a frantic parents since family was constantly stealing the kiddo away. I doubt that he once left a person's arm unless it was into his car seat. I also survived my first full week back at school the last week of August. I know that most things you read suggest going back some time in the middle of the week, but those things aren't written by people who seem to understand teaching. The first day is probably the most important day for teachers, and starting off on the wrong foot can sometimes be pivotal in how the year goes. Hence the reason I decided I got into my head that I needed to be back the first week. Hind-sight twenty-twenty, I definitely was not 100% ready to go back. I should have stayed at home another week if not the full three I had left in my maternity leave. Perhaps I would have been saved some of the BS I have had to deal with this year. It hard one for me for more than one reason. I think in some ways going back the first day was the right thing to do for my students, but it has taken a toll now and then on my marriage and parenting time. Overall, the first week wasn't too horrible. More about the school year in later months.
- Snuggling with Uncle Ross
- The happy couple during their first dance
- Courtney being an extremely brave bride by holding the king of spitters
- Gray with both of his namesakes, Big Ross and Little Ross
September-Uh... where did that go??
September
was a weird month. I vaguely remember the first part not seeming to
suck too badly. The first couple of weeks with my students seemed to be
going well. They took like gangbusters to the curriculum, and I felt the
best I have ever really felt in the first few weeks of teacher despite
the lack of sleep-perhaps it is what made me better. I guess around the
third week of six weeks (halfway through September) the winds began to
speak of change. Things started being more of struggle balancing school
time and personal time. I was having trouble keeping up with failures
since I didn't have the time like I have had in the years past. Brett
and I had planned an alternating take/pick-up schedule, and I couldn't
offer as much tutoring time as I had in the past. I love my students,
but in general, the population of the school I work at is extremely
needy due to deficiencies and gaps in prior education. Not sure what
causes the gaps is hard to say, but many need teachers when they are
ready to be available rather than when the teacher is actually
available. While in the past this has annoyed me, having a child has
created some resentment in my missed time with him for those who don't
appreciate it. I can't lie and say that I never contemplated up and
quitting. Top the student issues with an uncomfortable working
atmosphere, needless to say I have had serious issues with going to work
on some days, but then some silly kiddo comes along and makes my day.
Then I am all back in, which is why I have gotten through the year
despite toxic relations within my department. That and my g-hall group.
We did manage to make it to two football games to see my former
cheerleaders. The other bright side of September was our first date
night since batman thanks to my mother-in-law. We hit up the Addison
Improv and had a divine time with minimal worries.
- Gray getting loves from Ms. Madison
- Gray meeting the girl who thinks he is named Aiden (Ms. Jasmine)
- Getting a shot with Irv the Tiger at the Nimtz game.
October has always been my favorite month. My favorite holiday is Halloween. Brett and I started dating in 2002 in this month, and we also wed as well in 2008. 2011 was a memorable one since we managed to conceive Mr. Gray as well as spending our anniversary date in the hospital thanks to me slicing my finger open with a cheese knife. This past October was a very bittersweet and probably why I haven't been blogging. Not even sure yet if I am ready to deal with this, but something self consciously must think it is time because I had desperate urge to blog tonight-something I have wanted to do but couldn't bring myself to do. October started out well. I had the best natural passing rate and my kiddos seemed to be getting some where compared to the other freshman. I was still stressed but nothing abnormal. Brett and I were excited because we were getting to do our favorite October tradition of going to the pumpkin patch as a family, and we were going to be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary and 10 years together. My mother also seemed to be doing well on top of it, and it looked like she had turned a corner. She had been fighting her third round of colon cancer, and the prognosis we received in April of 2012 hadn't been fantastic-about a year left. Each milestone she meet, we were excited and tentatively hopeful. While she didn't get to make it to the delivery room for Gray due to my c-section, she couldn't have been more excited to have meet him. He seemed to give her a renewed sense of hope that there was something to survive for. Her hair had started coming back in, and she told me she was putting on more weight. She had also told Maga, my grandmother, that there was a new treatment the doctor was going to try. I had gotten my hopes up a bit that she might actually make it to Gray's first birthday.
Much to our dismay, our hopes ended on October 18th. I remember starting the day off excited. After all, I was happy about our weekend anniversary plans, and I was hoping Brett would remember to send me flowers that day since he hadn't for my first day back. For some reason, I had a sick feeling in my stomach at the beginning of second period-like a bundle of nerves. I just pushed things aside thinking it was nervous excited over waiting for them to call saying I had flowers. For some reason, I left my phone in my room-something I almost never due considering the child thing as well as my mom's condition. When I saw Mr. C, one of our security guards, walk into our PLC, I knew immediately that he was here for me, and my stomach dropped out because I knew it wasn't good news. I remember him barely finishing the words telling me that Brett was trying to get a hold of me before I started racing down to my classroom. I tried to think it wasn't something bad, kept thinking it couldn't be her, wishing it wasn't her-all the time knowing it was in the pit of my stomach. When I got back to my class, I got a hold of Brett, and he let me know what was going on. My mom had been taken to ICU, and things did not look good. I arranged for my classes to be taken, and Brett came and picked me up. We went to the hospital and got more details. Apparently, the tumor had ruptured and gone through my mother's colon, and this was causing her essentially to become septic sine all of her body's waste was entering her system. In a normal healthy person, this problem would be easily fixed, but my mom was far from good health due to years of cancer treatment. Her doctor didn't think she would survive surgery, and we had to make the decision that it was time to make her comfortable. At the time, my dad, grandmother, Brett, and I were the only ones at the hospital, and no one had told my sisters what was happening. We waited as long as we could, but I had to tell them final to come up to say their goodbyes. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. The girls came up and stayed for a bit, and then they went home because it was hard to keep Zoie entertained in same hospital room. Around 8 or so, Mom finally passed away. It was a struggle of emotions. Part of me was devastated that she was gone but happy she wasn't in pain. I was also angry because she hadn't told us everything that was going on and that she had been too afraid to really talk about what was going on. We were all left with so many mixed emotions. The arrangements and funeral went by so quickly, and it honestly seems like both an eternity ago and just yesterday. I am very lucky that I had such a support system with both families, friends, and co-works. It was nice to see family and some of my mom's old friends at the funeral. I know I hugged Gray a little closer those days and spent a lot of time cuddling him. I still can't wrap my mind around some of the feelings I get, and I know the healing process is far from over. Each holiday and milestone are bittersweet since they are missed by her. Extolling Gray's adventures to his Grammy and Maga is constantly a struggle because I know someone is missing. Having such a strong bond with my grandmother has me aching in the heart that Gray will not know my mother like I have known her mother. I have flashes of anger sometimes when I look at some of the stuff I have inherit like her sewing machine and fabric. I feel dirty sometimes touching it because I think my mother should be here using this or making the things she talked desperately about making Gray. I guess the worst one is when I am trying to not freak-out about Gray stuff. I will think, "I'll just call mom," because she would know the answer, and then I realize that I can't because she is gone. Not really sure when this will stop.
When I returned to work, things seemed to go downhill, and they haven't really stopped slipping. We finally made it to the pumpkin patch, and it was nice to have a new tradition for our little family, even if Gray wasn't too fond of it just yet. It was a nice trip to forget what was going on. We also did our first family holiday craft by painting Gray's pumpkin and putting his feet print on them. It actually turned out to be pretty adorable. Gray was also starting to pick up his own personality.
- The last photo I took of my mom with her grandchildren
- First annual family trip to the Flower Mound Pumpkin Patch
- Family photo at the pumpkin patch
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